We all know these people, we have met and even befriended them numerous times in our lives, perhaps we are even one of these people. The rotten ones that take their friends, family, and lives for granted as they paint on a fake smile and nod, saying “they have changed”, which in reality is hardly possible. We can change our habits and our behaviours and even our core beliefs, but not without significant effort and time. Time to get over ourselves and our bad habits. But this leaves us with the question, with those dressed up and pretty, but rotten to the core, do they ever really change? Is it even possible?
There is a fine line between self acceptance and self improvement. There are some things that we must simply accept about ourselves and learn to be kind. Then there are the negative things we do in life, mistreat or overindulge friends, loved ones, or family. Those are things we must not accept, because in most societies they are universally bad. Unfortunately, from my experience, we rarely realize we are in a toxic relationship with someone who is quite rotten, they put on a pretty smile for the world, but take it and everything for granted and feel they deserve whatever they want. Entitlement is one of the more rotten traits and it is omnipresent in our society today.
I will be honest, in the past I would have considered myself quite rotten, I took loved ones for granted, I held grudges for minor slights against me and fell into multiple toxic relationships where sometimes they were the rotten one, sometimes I was. I did real damage to people and their sense of self. I was a troll and a terrible person on the internet due to anonymity. I wouldn’t say I am reformed, but my values have drastically changed as I got help and got older. I realized that many of my base traits were toxic to a degree and slowly, but surely, worked them out of myself and my belief system. It was hard and painful, but I changed. I changed for the better and am much more empathetic and sympathetic then I was previously.
To all those I hurt in my life, know that I regret what I did and I am sorry.
“People aren’t either wicked or noble. They’re like chef’s salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict.”― Lemony Snicket