Doubt is quiet and subtle as it worms its way into your consciousness, into your soul, and it is deadly. Deadly not to your physical being, but to your emotional and psychological being. It makes you second guess your work, your art, your relationships, with those sinister words, “Is this good enough?”. Which in western society usually correlates with “am I good enough?”. The answer to that question is always yes, in this moment you are everything you are suppose to be, but tomorrow might be a different story. Doubt is insidious in its constant whispers into our minds, wearing us down, until we can’t even think clearly.
I doubt myself, my writing ability, my work, and everything I publish. I shouldn’t, I should just say fuck it and put it all out there, which is what I usually say and do, that is why these posts exist. Unfortunately it is natural to doubt ourselves, but too much of it can be crippling. Some days when I haven’t gotten enough words on the page I feel, somehow, that I am less than, because of that perceived failure, when it in fact is not a failure, it is being human. We can’t be productive all the time, we can’t always be “on”, that leads to burnout fast.
Working on these pieces, these Thoughts, is always a nerve wracking experience, because they are deeply personal and I leave myself vulnerable in the great expanse that is the internet. Sometimes I feel like I am just adding to the noise, at best, and screaming into the void, at worst. Regardless I type away, writing what my heart and mind feels needs to be said. Doubt is ever present, but we get to choose how it manifests in our life, some turn it into fuel, others into inspiration, still others drown it out with addiction, of course not all coping mechanisms are healthy or productive. Something I wrote earlier today, after hours of writing on various projects is this “I just want to curl into a ball under the covers and slowly die, suffocated by my ambition and my dreams.” And that thought, that feeling of failure, made me write this post a few hours later.
Doubt will never go away, but you get to choose what you do with it.
― Sylvia Plath
“And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.”